


woke up new (what do i do without you?)

by Anonymous



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Dreams, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:41:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27557032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tonight, as he does every night, he dreams ofhim.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24
Collections: Anonymous





	woke up new (what do i do without you?)

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warnings before reading!
> 
> Title is a lyric from Woke Up New by The Mountain Goats. Lyrics from the same song can be found at the end of this work. It's a beautifully heartbreaking song. 
> 
> I'm not sure why I wrote this; it was very much a spur-of-the-moment thing, but nonetheless I hope you enjoy this short drabble. :)

The wind always blows a little stronger in May.

Hyunjin hasn’t a clue why it happens – it just does. One could chalk it up to location: situated farther up the sprawling hills of Orchard Heights, it only makes sense that the breeze meets him and their – no, _his –_ home with fervor, this time of year.

The wind chimes hanging just outside the front door begin to sound.

He won’t admit it, but the melody that emanates from the hollow tubes of brass grates on his ears. Sickens him, almost. But folded up on the ratty, yellowing couch in the corner of the living room, he can’t be bothered to make the objectively short walk to the front door, can’t be bothered to unhook the wind chimes today.

(Not that he had ever bothered to take it down in the past. No matter how hard he tries, he just _can’t_ bring himself to.)

He’d rather sit through the ringing of the chimes before ever laying his hands on it anyway. So, he lets it seep into his very being, allows the haunting composition of broken half-pitches to play on, and on, and on.

* * *

It isn’t long until he drifts to sleep.

Sleep, he finds, is both a blessing and a curse.

It’s a blessing in the way that it carries him far, far away from reality and all the pain that comes with dwelling in it.

And all the same, it’s a curse in the way that it shamelessly reminds him of everything he has lost.

Tonight, as he does every night, he dreams of _him._

* * *

At first, his dreams play out in monotone. Hyunjin has been through this a hundred, no, a _thousand_ times, so he knows all too well by now that tonight, his dreams will begin with his childhood years.

If he’s lucky, it’ll end there.

_“Come on, Hyunjin, don’t you want to play with the other kids?”_

_‘The other kids’ standing opposite his home had been the same kids that had nabbed his lunch with their small grubby hands at school just the other day, sticking their tongues out at him as they slung elementary-grade insults at him._

_So no, he_ doesn’t _want to play with the other kids._

_With crossed arms and a pout, he tells his mom as much. He leaves out the bit about what they’d done, of course; he doesn’t want his mom to worry about him any more than she already does._

The memory reel fades to black.

He thinks that maybe tonight is a lucky night, that the universe had finally given him a break. To his disappointment, however, the relief is short-lived.

The memory reel whirs to life once more, spinning faster and faster until the images return.

This time, it’s in technicolor. Just as his monotone dreams represent his childhood, his technicolor dreams mark another point of his life, when he had finally learned of happiness, and in time, love.

And if these technicolor dreams begin with his first encounter with one special boy, then that’s completely coincidental.

(It isn't.)

_“Hey, watch where you’re going!” He yells from the sidewalk as a boy, probably about his age, whizzes past him, a blur of gangling limbs and bike wheels._

_That same day, he learns that the boy_ is _his age, and that he barely knows how to ride a bike, and that his name is Seungmin._

_From there on out, they become inseparable._

Images continue to flash along the forefront of his mind, from ice cream trips after a hot school day, to winter breaks and frugal Christmas gifts. He lingers on that one time when they had gone to the riverside and spent the day laid out on the picnic mat, contented with watching the birds fly high in the sky and letting the afternoon breeze cool their skin.

He hadn’t known it at the time, but the flush sitting high on his cheeks then hadn’t only been because of the warmth of July.

Of course, it only takes them so long before they exchange awkward confessions, as you do. It’s not the most romantic, but it makes both of their hearts beat stupidly fast under the quiet night sky, standing in the middle of a deserted baseball field.

_“Do you always buy your dates wind chimes on the first date?” He raises an eyebrow at Seungmin, but he’s only teasing – he’s sure the mirth dancing in his eyes makes it obvious._

_“Nah, only the ones I especially like,” replies Seungmin, a smirk playing on his lips as he nudges the brunet in the shoulder. “Seriously though, Ma told me that every house had to have wind chimes outside. She thinks they bring good fortune or something.”_

_“I guess my house could use a little fortune,” Hyunjin agrees._

_“Maybe while we’re at it, we should plant a lemon tree too.”_

_“Lemons? Okay, now that’s an odd one.”_

_Seungmin shrugs. “It clears the air of negativity? Or so-”_

_"So your mom says, I know."_

_In the end,_ _Hyunjin_ _can’t say no._

* * *

Hyunjin wakes in a cold sweat, huddled up in his thin duvet tucked up to his chin.

The darkness of the firmament outside tells him it’s still an ungodly hour, far too early for him to be awake. Usually, he’d just close his eyes but run from sleep, too tired to deal with the outside world and too tender from the remnants of his lover that haunt his dreams.

But today is different.

Today, he waits for the sun to rise before getting up and clearing the cluttered mess strewn about.

Today, he draws his curtains open after months of darkness. The heavy layer of dust unsettles.

(The lemon tree still hasn’t grown, but that’s okay. Maybe he’ll buy some seeds in the afternoon.)

Today, he accepts the loss, the hurt, that comes with losing Seungmin.

Today, he allows himself to _feel_.

He doesn’t know what tomorrow will bring, but for the first time in a long while, he thinks he’s ready to face it.

* * *

_And the wind began to blow and all the trees began to pant_  
_And the world, in its cold way, started coming alive_  
_And I stood there like a business man waiting for the train_  
_And I got ready for the future to arrive_

_And I sang oh, what do I do?  
What do I do?  
What do I do?  
What do I do without you?_

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend listening to the song used in this fic's title and end!
> 
> [Listen here.](https://open.spotify.com/track/6Jn5ymHxc2eH5Mo316TNyh?si=G2_rJtaBQ26n53_nV1hSEg)


End file.
